Confessions of a “Normal Woman”

I admit that I’m not the most objective person to determine whether or not I truly am “normal.” In fact, I’m not sure that “normal” really exists out there anymore. Regardless, I’ve decided to share some of my closet hang-ups and let you decide. Will the feedback convey an accurate assessment? Probably not. I’m sure that my writings don’t necessarily attract “normal” individuals either.

Confession #1- I’m a judgmental driver. Everyone who passes me is an “idiot” and everyone who goes too slow is a “moron.” I caught myself mumbling these exact two accusations within 30 minutes of each other on my way home the other day. No wonder the confidence of mankind has dwindled lately. They’ve got unrealistic expectations thrust upon them by drivers like me.

Confession #2- I think people are attractive until I see them chomping gum Seriously. I watched an absolutely beautiful woman in line at the grocery store the other day transform herself from a Perfect 10 to a Negative 2 because she was chomping her gum like a cow munching on his cud. I don’t care how beautiful you are. Even if I was a dentist I would have no desire to see what you’re chewing in there!

I also loathe the snapping sound that folks make with their gum…especially when I can hear it all the way across the store- or worse, church. I’ve turned people away from a job interview simply because of the gum chewing (and I confess that I strongly encouraged an assistant to quit once I discovered that they constantly chewed with their mouth open. Do I really want to lose a business relationship that affects my entire staff all because someone can’t keep their lips together while enjoying a business lunch with one of my clients? You really don’t want to turn someone’s stomach when you’re attempting to wheel and deal, right?

Confession #3- I firmly believe that the civility of our society has plunged dramatically because of the common courtesies/decencies that many parents have failed to teach their children. And our entire nation is suffering as a result. People spend more money when you’re being nice to them. People pass on smiles when they get them. Instead we spend our Saturday errands going from place to place attempting to get over the last painful business encounter we just had at the last place.

Did this training get left up to Dear Abby somewhere?

A couple of Christmas’s ago a much younger sibling of mine was having a really hard time financially. Being plagued with a boundless Christmas Spirit I decided to play Santa that year. Even though I was raised by strict parents who firmly required us to be polite, be mindful of others around us, and to exert impeccable table manners at the risk of death, this particular sibling must have worn them down by the time she came along. Because after all of the gifts were handed out, there was not a single “thank you” from the sibling or any of her 5 children, and in fact, my husband and I were greeted with an annoying wail that that’s all there was!

Oh, and if you really want me at your bridal shower or your wedding, you’ll give me more than 48 hours notice. And when I do give you a gift, you’ll darn well send a thank you note! (I bet getting in the business of selling thank you cards is about as profitable as Lehman is right about now.)

Ok. I’m done with my rantings and ravings. I’ve finally let down my professional demeanor and expose to all of you the inner seethings. Either you’ll admit you share some similar feelings, or you may inform me that your confession is that you loathe reading confessions.

Copyright 2009 Kellene Bishop. All rights reserved. You are welcome to repost this information so long as it is credited to Kellene Bishop.